Ghost Car

Growing up, my favourite computer console games were the driving ones. I never went in for fighting, and the football ones seemed too complicated. At least with the driving games, you could put the car on automatic and just concentrate on speeding and steering. But there was one aspect of those games that got a little frustrating, and that was the ghost car.


The ghost car appeared in single player mode. It was a representation of your fastest ever lap of the course. Every time you played, the ghost car was whizzing round the track, edging ahead, annoying you as you tried to beat your best time and get ahead. It pushed you to your limits, encouraging you to set a new record.

Having grown up playing those games, I found that when I started driving, it was as if I always had a ghost car in my mind, if not my eyes. Regular journeys would have a 'best time' - from home to getting parked at university in Belfast; from home to Tesco; later, from home to Newtownstewart and so on. I wasn't flying. i wasn't breaking speed limits, but I was always comparing the time it was taking with the best ever time on that journey.

Another regular journey was from Kesh to Newtownstewart. On a Monday evening I went to the Fountain youth centre for youth fellowship. My journey home was another 'ghost car' run. Could I shave a second or two off my time? This particular night, ten years to the day, it was a good, clear run. I came by Ederney, Lack, Drumquin, past Baronscourt, when I took a sharp right hand corner a little too quickly. Two wheels left the ground, but by the grace of God I didn't turn over, and I came back to solid ground shaken, but fine. It was the scariest moment of my life. Thankfully no damage was done. I escaped, while many other young drivers don't.

The very next day, ten years ago tomorrow, an email arrived that was to chart these past ten years and, with God's help, the rest of my life. It was an email containing a letter from Bishop Harold, Bishop of Down and Dromore, informing me that he was recommending my for training for ordination. How strange the timing - a fearful experience one night, and the next day a confirmation of my future.

Those events have been etched on my mind. Ten years ago today. So much has happened since then - college, engagement, marriage, ordination, ministry in Dundonald and Fermanagh - and hopefully much more still to come. My driving has changed. It's slower and safer. The ghost car has been consigned to the scrap heap. I'm better off without it.

Ordination Anniversary

It really doesn't seem like three years have passed since my ordination as a Deacon - or that it was two years yesterday since my 'priesting.' As my time in Dundonald moves quickly towards its end (with just eight Sundays left in the parish), has ministry been what I imagined?

It's a question I'll continue to ask as the leaving date (and associated speeches and farewell sermons) comes closer. In the meantime, here are a few reflections on my first three years of ordained ministry.

1. The opportunity to be set apart to study God's word is amazing! It's a great privilege to be able to give myself to reading the Bible, studying the Bible, praying the Bible and teaching the Bible - and it's my 'job'! There could be nothing better than spending time in God's word.

The danger, of course, is that professionalism can so easily kick in, so that Bible reading is only done in order to prepare for the next speaking engagement. In that situation, the question switches from what is God saying to me (relating to change/repentance/growth/maturity etc) to what is God saying to them, bypassing me completely.

2. The opportunity to lead God's people in prayer is immense! To be able to help people to pray as a church family gathered together is special, as they join in the "Amen" or the "Hear our prayer".

You can so easily think that you're the one helping them pray, rather than the Holy Spirit and the Lord Jesus; or you pray impressive sounding prayers to show how very spiritual you are, just like the Pharisee in Luke 18.

3. The access into peoples' lives is perhaps unique, both for happy and sad occasions. The excitement of baptisms when a new life is just beginning; the joy of weddings (with the best view in the house); the sharing with those who are ill; the comforting those who mourn and sharing the gospel hope with them; few people are present at so many of these moments, or welcomed as ministers normally are.

The frequency of those occasions, though can, as the proverb suggests, can breed contempt. What has become regular and routine (if you're on your third funeral of the month) is still the one and only special service for Mrs Jones, so everything must be done decently and in order, no matter how ordinary.

There's also the risk of bottling it, and not saying the things that should be said; even not taking the gospel opportunities that are presented at the time or after.

4. Seeing individuals come to faith, or grow in faith is exciting! Through my time here we've seen some trust the Lord for the first time, making baby steps in faith; and others growing considerably in their faith, becoming more mature, and stepping up to lead and help and serve others. This is what it's all about!

The flipside is that it can be frustrating and almost soul destroying to see some walk away, or revert to sin, or let you down. People with so much potential, and yet they refuse to take that step. I'm learning that sometimes you have to leave people in God's hands - he may not be finished with them, but it could take years before they'll come back.

5. You get to know so many different people, and visit them in their homes. On our lists there are approximately 500 families, which amounts to 1200 people, roughly. The opportunities this presents are great, and the number of people you meet is huge, and all at different ages and stages.

One problem I've found is that my memory for names can be atrocious, so I need to work on knowing and remembering names.

Another issue is that there will always be more people I could be visiting. It could never stop. Knowing that means that I can be satisfied with what I can do, not how many I've missed in a day/week.

6. There's a real danger that you're always caught up in the urgent, and so miss the important. It can be so easy to work away, day after day, on what has to be done today, without looking at the big picture, without taking time to plan for the future, or develop.

Connected to this is the need for a proper Sabbath for ministers. If Sunday is our working day of leading/preaching/youthwork etc, then the need for one other day in the week for rest and restoration is vital. Yet even on the 'off' day, parish work can easily creep in.

Further connected to this is the proper space for family life. I'm still trying to learn this one, to carve out time with my wife and family, not thinking about work at all!

Today I'm thankful for God's grace over these past three years, and for the people I've come to know and the friends I've made through my ministry in Dundonald. I'm thankful for Tim, my rector, for the ways he has trained me, and for his patience on so many occasions! I'm praying for many more years of fruitful ministry, but conscious that it's all in God's hands.

As I look to the future, I'm reminded of those words from the ordination service:

Because none of us can bear the weight of this ministry in our own strength, but only by the grace and power of God, let us pray earnestly for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on these persons. Let us pray also that God will each day enlarge and enlighten their understanding of the Scriptures, so that they may grow stronger and more mature in their ministry, as they fashion their lives and the lives of the people they serve on the word of God.

Five Years On: Healy 1-0 England

It's hard to think that it's five years to the day since that night. Oh what a night, when the mighty England came to Belfast expecting to win, only to lose out 1-0 to not Brazil, but Northern Ireland! I was fortunate to be there that night, saw David Healy score, shouted myself hoarse, and took some photos. Check out what I wrote the morning after here. Nico has the video on his hat for all occasions.

Two Years Ago Today

I married my wonderful wife Lynsey. Today we're celebrating God's goodness to us and our first two years of married life.

Not Forgotten

When you're young, you think you're indestructible. Nothing can happen, and death is many decades away. Life is for living, and there's plenty of it going spare. You can never imagine one of your friends dying 'too soon'.

That's why the death of a young person is so unexpected, so shocking. For everyone in the community, yes, but particularly for the family and friends of the deceased. And while the wider community can forget so quickly, with the litany of people dying, and other news stories coming and going, those who were close to the person can never forget.

Time seems to move so quickly, and yet it can also stand still, with memories returning of former days. Happy memories, things to smile about, yet with tears never far away.

It's hard to believe, but it's one year today since PSNI Constable James Magee died, alongside Constables Kenneth Irvine, Declan Greene, and Kevin Gorman, in a terrible accident in their police 4x4 vehicle on their way to help colleagues in Rostrevor.

As I wrote last year, James was my best friend at Primary School. We were always playing together, and I spent many happy times up at Bishopsmount, the former family home in Dromore. It was always fun taking my bike up there, as there was a path right around the bungalow for us to do cycle races. There were the goats and other animals to look at but not get too close to. There were the vintage cars in the garage to get excited about. He had the most amazing and massive model railway set which was always out in one of the garages. There were the ham and cheese sandwiches and the weak diluting orange juice. There was the times we played football and got stuck in the whirly-line, then James' mum would come out and scrub down the concrete saying that she had to get the pitch all clean for the footballers. There was the big stove in the kitchen to get warmed at when we had got cold outside. There was the stony lane between the house and Church Street under the old railway tunnel which echoed as you shouted out. There were the silly jokes that made us laugh all day. There was the time when David Riddell put his hand on the electric fence having been told it was turned on.

Despite going to different secondary schools, we stayed in touch, still going to Sunday School together, and then being Confirmed on April 9th 1995.



It's hard to believe that James has been dead for a year now, and yet one thing is certain - he has not been forgotten.

One Year On...

One year ago today, Lynsey and I were joined in marriage. We're thankful to God for the past year together, and in His mercy, look forward to many more. Our first wedding anniversary!

Old Getting

Today I've been marking my 28th birthday. The day started down in Newcastle, finishing off the retreat with a reflective session and then a feedback on the past year of CME. This was the last time for Adrian and Craig, but come September we'll be joined by the new Deacons in the diocese. At lunch, there was a birthday cake, a pleasant surprise.

Then it was off home to see Lyns and spend some time together. 28 years ago I was born, and dad missed going to see Northern Ireland beat Portugal 1-0 as he had to come and see me! Incidentally, Northern Ireland went on to qualify for the 1982 World Cup in Spain through that victory.

So now I embark on my 29th year. Only God knows what's in store. Here goes!

Six Months On...

Our Wedding
Originally uploaded by Gary McMurray.

Six glorious months of marriage. Thank you Lord.

4 years on

Today is the fourth anniversary of the blog, having begun back when I was in Newtownstewart, working with West Tyrone Voice, under the title 'The Thoughts of a Random Ordinand.' It then tracked my time through three years in Dublin at the Church of Ireland Theological College (which no longer exists!), and now into my first Curacy in Dundonald.

It was a slow start back then, as blogs were fairly new to me. Dave Parkinson got me started as he had one back then, and eventually it took off. This is now my 1084th post, and it's interesting to look back and see the lessons I've learnt along the way, as well as how God has been faithful throughout.

So today I'm full of thankfulness to the Lord, for all his blessings to me. 'Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!' (Psalm 34:3)

Happy birthday to me!

26 today. Hurray! And I escaped without any ill-treatment from my colleagues!

Ebenezer. 'Till now the Lord has helped us.' (1 Samuel 7:12)

Le Weekend

Just a wee quick posting to update on the weekend's activities... Thursday I was up in Castledawson for a funeral - the Presbyterian Church was packed. It was good to see friends from BB Camp again, but not so good given the circumstances. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Kennedy family.

Friday was placement, the final day, and into hospital again to do some visiting, and managed to combine it with family visiting too. Then on Friday night it was off to Lisburn for a birthday meal for Scott (who is rapidly approaching thirty... yeah, I know, I'm not 'that' far behind him...). We were in Ed's, the quite new place, and it was very good.

It must have been the weekend time for birthdays - yesterday I was at Korin's birthday party, she being 2 and very cute! And then today, four of my bebo friends all have birthdays - which is craaaazy!

So anyway, back to the weekend - Saturday I had a lie in, then away with me ma to Lisburn (not so far this week) and Tesco, then finished off my sermon for Magheralin, which was preached yesterday morning and is contained in the previous posting.

That's really all I have to update on... quite a busy time... which won't stop now as we're into the new timetable, being in the second semester - halfway through the year properly now!!! Tonight we have College Fellowship with Maurice Elliott speaking on the practicalities of preaching.

Second Birthday

It's not just the Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth who has two birthdays. Today is my second birthday. No, I haven't just turned two. I'm 25... for another wee while anyway...

But it is 14 years to the day when I became a Christian. It was the last night of a mission held in our church, during the Decade of Evangelism. The visiting preacher and evangelist was Neil (or Neal) Steadman, from Cumbria. I had been involved in the dramas and youth elements of the mission, and on that last night, Sunday 29th November 1992, he asked people to stand if they had been affected by the week, or had made a decision.

And I stood.

I'm not saying that by standing up I was made a Christian - it was only an outward symbol of what was happening inside, a declaration of sorts. But it definitely happened. No longer was I trusting in myself. I was trusting in Jesus and his cross. No longer did I think I could be good enough for God, and do enough good things for him, or that he would accept me for my goodness. I was trusting in Jesus and his cross, and what God in Christ did for me.

Fourteen years. A long time. I'm not saying I always get it right. I'm not saying it has been a perfect discipleship. I still mess up and get things wrong. And still struggle.

But God who has started a good work in me will bring it to completion. Amen - because I couldn't do it on my own!

I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
I have decided to follow Jesus,
No turning back. No turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me.
The world behind me, the cross before me.
The world behind me, the cross before me.
No turning back. No turning back.

Where Jesus leads me, I'll surely follow.
Where Jesus leads me, I'll surely follow.
Where Jesus leads me, I'll surely follow.
No turning back. No turning back.

The Year of the Engagement

I think 2006 will be remembered by me as the year of the engagement. Not just for Lynsey and me - obviously that is primarily in our minds. But also for the many other friends who have gotten engaged this year.

Stanley and Sarah - on the same day as we got engaged - how freaky was that?

Bryan and Louise. (Bryan and me are looking forward to being joined in matrimony - to quote James.)

Lorna and Colin.

Pamela and Paul.

And now Primrose and Dan. This is the big news this week, and I'm so chuffed for you two!!!

Congratulations to all the couples above.

Now, I wonder if there'll be any more before the end of the year???

Bank Holiday

Just about to set off down the road to Dublin again... nominally a day late, although it's because we were off today. There's something good about having a Bank Holiday at the end of October - the Irish have got some things right!

Today was spent with a bit of a lie-in, and then off to Belfast with me ma... her urgently needing things that couldn't be got elsewhere, and me just having a look about the bookshops (surprise surprise!)...

So while Union College and the rest of Queen's University Belfast are embarking on a reading week, it's off back down to Dublin tonight as classes start again tomorrow at Dublin University, Trinity College.

Tomorrow is also Reformation Day, being the 489th anniversary of Martin Luther nailing his 95 Theses to the door of Wittenberg Cathedral. Hallelujah for the Reformers! Sadly we neglected (by forgetting) the passing of the 451st anniversary of the marytrdom of the Bishops Latimer and Ridley earlier in the month (16th October 1555)... But they did indeed light a candle that day for the reformation in England.