Book Review: Different by Design

The gender agenda is repeatedly being brought to the fore in churches, homes, workplaces and wider society. Christian believers may increasingly be seen as out of step with the culture. Should we just get with the programme? Or should we continue to listen in to what God is saying in the Bible? Carrie Sandom addresses these issues in her new book, Different by Design: God's blueprint for men and women, as she takes us back to the Bible and helps us discover God's plan for the sexes.

The introduction paints a picture of society as it currently stands, seen in the lives of several women and families. Sandom identifies a 'gradual feminisation of the workplace', with an 'over-feminized' and 'emasculated' society. What will be the implications of such female leadership? While arguing that some women have a 'having it all' desire (work, family, leadership etc), she wonders if it is actually what women want. 'Not when our desire to be treated the same as men means we're never really treated as women.'

Her first key point is that men and women are different by design. An example is given of listening in to conversations on the Tube (I didn't even realise anyone spoke on the tube!), and seen in a variety of areas - task or people oriented; waffles and spaghetti; how they relate to friends; how they deal with harsh words and negative criticism; logic and intuition. She then asks the why question. Why are men and women different? Moving beyond the obvious differences in bodies, she argues that the hunter-gatherer / home-maker divide doesn't go back far enough. Rather, we need to return to our first parents: 'Adam and Eve were equal in God's sight, but they were not identical.'

The pattern for God's design looks behind the scenes to the character and nature of God. 'We were made for community... it is a reflection of God's own nature.' The Trinity is then outlined, explained, and used as the pattern we follow in equality, diversity, unity and order. 'The Father exercises loving authority over the Son, who humbly and willingly submits to it.'

The revelation of God's design then takes us on a guided tour of Genesis 1-2. 'The two accounts of creation give us both a panoramic view as well as a microscopic one... They are complimentary accounts, not contradictory ones.' The foundational principles are discussed, such as order (where the days point to the creation of habitat and then the inhabitants), purpose and blessing. In Genesis 2 as the camera zooms in, we find freedom and responsibility, union and completion. On marriage, Sandom remarks (p. 54):

It is a beautiful picture and perfectly illustrates that marriage is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman that changes the focus of all other family relationships. It is a commitment with definite intention and starts with the man taking the initiative. It is to be witnessed by other members of the community and then consummated by their sexual union. He is to love and cherish her as his own body, because she is now a part of him. Similarly, she is to consider herself joined with him in loving partnership even though she remains an individual and distinct from him.

This is marriage as God intended: the coming together of a man and a woman, to form a one-flesh union that is broken only by death. This means we mustn't be naive about same sex partnerships - they do not constitute a marriage. Scripture is clear that a marriage is between a man and a woman. We mustn't be deceived into thinking that pornography and masturbation are legitimate ways of satisfying our sexual longings. We cannot enjoy one-flesh union on our own. And we mustn't be fooled by those who say that sex can be enjoyed without making a public, life-long commitment first. The longing to be united in marriage and to become one-flesh with your spouse is God-given, but God also gives us the parameters for how those longings are to be satisfied.

From there, we come to the rejection of God's design, as the author asks where are the men in church - have they been driven away by the women? We see the pattern rejected in three scenes from Genesis 3: (i) God's word ignored leading to disobedience - 'every temptation to sin in some way doubts God's word, denies God's judgement or distorts God's character.' (ii) God's word upheld leading to judgement; (iii) God's word sustained leading to grace.

In the next chapter, the reader should be aware. The masking of God's design begins with a horrific story of a father sexually abusing his daughter, which is shocking and explicit. This story, as well as biblical examples of sexual brokenness, demonstrate that unity and order always elude us. There's a helpful diagram of the interconnectedness of beliefs on women, sex, leadership etc held by various theological positions.

The restoration of God's design is the chapter we were waiting for from the start, as Jesus re-establishes God's ordering of relationships. His attitude to men and women is discussed, being revolutionary compared to the surrounding society, and yet the author is clear that while women were witnesses to the resurrection, they were not apostles. I wasn't sure of the effectiveness of the chapter, as the jump from men and women to what Jesus did on the cross seemed a leap too far, almost disjointed.

The remainder of the book applies the design to various areas of life, as it seeks to discover the implications of God's design for marriage, the church and the workplace. In the marriage chapter, there's a useful discussion on submission as Ephesians 5 is placed in the context of the whole letter. At one point, there is specific application for women, married or not, which made me wonder if this is primarily (or even exclusively) a book for women. I think it's still useful for both sexes, though.

In the church chapter there are the usual contentious passages about women teaching and having authority. Given that the author works for a church (as an Associate Minister for Women and Pastoral Care), her handling is faithful, and seeks to argue that the scriptures push for men to be in authority over the church family as in the home family, and for men to teach in mixed congregations. This is not to the detriment, though, of the Titus 2 model, where the older women teach the younger women - women certainly have a role in ministry.

All in all, this is a very helpful book which helps us return to the Bible's teaching on gender and sex, with clear Bible explanation, sensitive application and good illustrations. Amidst the prevailing voices of our culture Sandom provides a loud and clear call to rediscover and relate within God's designed differences.

Different by Design is available from Amazon and for Kindle.

Book Review: The Masculine Mandate

Richard D Phillips is an author I've been enjoying for quite some time. Coming from the Reformed stable, his books are always seeking to present the teaching of the Scriptures in a clear and concise way. I've found that this continues in his book 'The Masculine Mandate: God's Calling to Men.'

Phillips surveys the world's understanding of masculinity, finding it defective and misleading:

There's certainly nothing wrong with being an outdoorsman, building one's own house, or even, within bounds, being the solid John Wayne type. But is that all there is to being a man? The truth is that the Bible gives us God's picture of a real man, and it doesn't fit any of our stereotypes.

His desire is to present the Masculine Mandate as found in the Scriptures, to enable a 'strong, biblical, and confident Christian manhood.'

Concentrating a lot of attention on the opening chapters of the Bible, Phillips examines the creation account of Genesis 1-3 to discover the author's intention of man made in the image of God; commanded to work and keep the Garden. He tackles the opinions of John Eldredge (Wild at Heart) head on, countering the thought that man was made outside the garden to be wild, because God's purpose was for man to work the garden and keep it. So our call is not to be wild at heart, but rather to follow God's pattern and purpose.

This is the Masculine Mandate: to be spiritual men placed in real-world, God-defined relationships, as lords and servants under God, to bear God's fruit by serving and leading.

Through a series of chapters, Phillips discusses what the call to work and keep might look like in the contexts of home, marriage, family, work, church and so on. It was mostly good, helpful, stirring stuff, although sometimes it seemed a bit American for my liking, and sometimes I wondered if the call to men only applied to men, rather than both men and women.

This might be a useful book for a men's small group or one-to=one to read and discuss, and will provide a good basis for anyone wanting to examine the scriptures and how they call us to be godly men.

Book Review: Disciplines of a Godly Man

This has been on my to-read list for a long time, it having been recommended to me back in first year in college, but I only managed to read it this year. Kent Hughes has written a comprehensive and intensive book on the spiritual disciplines required for godly men.

Several times as I read the book, I was thinking to myself, this all seems a little prescriptive, as he examines a particular area of a man's life (e.g. family, work, worship, church, giving, and many more), explains some relevant scriptures, provides some illustrations, and then proceeds to say what this will mean and look like for the godly man. You could even go so far as to say it's not a little prescriptive, as he admits there are over 100 'do's', intentionally. However, he does make the point that there's a difference between discipline and legalism - that of motivation. The desire to live a godly life (and be disciplined to do it) should be to please God as a response to God's grace; not to try and earn God's favour through our efforts.

As you can imagine, it's a fairly challenging read. Areas of life perhaps never considered before are brought into scrutiny, and motives, thoughts, words and actions are examined carefully. It's definitely not one to zoom through quickly - but one to savour slowly, perhaps taking a chapter per week. It's also an ongoing thing for each of us, we won't be finished being sanctified before we die, so there will always be things that stand out and challenge us to continue to work at.

My only slight negative is that it's very American in style, and may be best suited to that particular culture and society's standards. Some of the illustrations didn't connect with me at all, due to their being over-American.

However, I wouldn't let this stop me from recommending the book. It's not an easy read, but it will do you good!

Corporate Worship

Last night, I was at a radically different form of corporate worship. The congregation was overwhelmingly male, although there were family-friendly elements, and the hymns and canticles were sung loudly. There was one prayer, at the start, and elements of ceremony to rival any rubrics and liturgy. There was almost a mega-church sized congregation of approximately 13,000 worshippers. And right in the centre of the worship gathering, the pantheon of gods were very present, receiving and welcoming their adoration.

By now you've probably worked out I'm talking about being at Windsor Park for the Northern Ireland v Israel game which was tied 1-1. Yet without much exaggeration, it's clear to see that football matches are a form of worship. The crowds flock to see their heroes, spending huge amounts of money, not just on the match ticket, but also on the replica kit (or at least a shirt), scarf, face paint, flags and (for some) the drink.



Why is it that blokes will join in singing loudly at a football match, but hardly open their mouths in church? Why are blokes becoming an endangered species in our churches? It's a worrying development, not least because some godly, faithful Christian women are drawn to non-Christian men rather than holding out for a believer.

How can we create the community in which men are more comfortable in church? Or are we more happy to be more passionate about eleven men kicking a bit of leather around than about the good news of King Jesus?

Wanted: A Few Good Men to reach our generation of young men who are adrift in a world of sex, booze, porn, and gambling and to turn their lives around by proclaiming Jesus. Who is up to this mission field?