Sermon: Ephesians 5: 21-33 Love and Marriage

I have a confession to make. This might be the most difficult sermon to preach of my nine and a bit months here so far. You see, we’re looking today at marriage, and some of you might be sitting thinking to yourself - what does he know - he’s only been married for almost four years, compared to our twenty, thirty, fifty years together.

It would be much easier for me to skip this section and move on to something a bit easier to talk about - the armour of God in chapter 6. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves! You see, the sermon isn’t a chance for you to catch up on some sleep; but at the same time, it isn’t for me to stand up and rant on for fifteen minutes on a subject of my choosing.

We gather to hear God’s word read and proclaimed - it’s God setting the agenda, not me. It’s the reason we take books of the Bible and work through them from start to finish - right now, we’re working through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, and marriage is the next topic he addresses. So you’re not just getting what I think of marriage - rather together we want to hear what God thinks of marriage, and what that will mean for our relationships.

The first thing to note is that God thinks marriage is a good idea. We saw that in our first reading from Genesis 2. God is the first matchmaker, forming Adam and then Eve, and bringing them together. Before the fall, before sin came into the world, marriage existed - one man, one woman, coming together to form one flesh, a permanent, public, life-long commitment.

When we were clearing out granny’s house, we came across old wedding photos. The black and white photos of granny and granda McMurray, looking radiant on their wedding day. It’s as if Paul pulls out the wedding picture of our first parents, Adam and Eve, and then he says that marriage itself - every marriage from Adam and Eve down to today - marriage is a like a signpost pointing towards the wedding banquet, the big wedding.

Not just the wedding of the year; not even the wedding of the century or millennium, but THE royal wedding. Look with me at verse 32. ‘This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church.’ Marriage has always been a signpost pointing to the great wedding feast in heaven when Christ and the church are united forever.

We’ve received a couple of wedding invitations for the summer - friends getting married. As they do that, it’s like the trailer for the film; a foretaste of the real thing. Their weddings will be like a picture of Jesus and the church. But so will their ongoing marriages. So many couples invest so much in their wedding day without really thinking about what comes next - the ongoing commitment in all the years that follow until death us do part.

So what will it mean for our marriages to point towards the union of Christ and his church? What should it look like if our marriage is a picture of Christ and the church? It’s like so many pictures (at least the ones I take) - so often it’s out of focus; it’s a bit blurry; it doesn’t really show it in all its glory. We need to focus again on the original, so that we can copy the pattern.

Firstly, Paul addresses the wives. ‘Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord.’ In other versions the word used is submit - to ‘obey’ your husband. Now it might be that you immediately raise all sorts of objections; you might think that we’re just out to get you and control you; that it’s a power game; or that Paul hated women. But remember the pattern - ‘For the husband is head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Saviour.’

Christ is the head of the church - he leads it, and rules over it. In the same way, Paul says, the husband is to be the head in the household - not to dominate or to be a tyrant, but simply in order to provide a lead. (I remember hearing one woman say that her husband was the head of the household and then mutter under her breath that she was the neck that moved the head!).

It’s not easy to submit, but before the women start a revolution, let’s see what Paul says to the husbands. Now at first sight it might seem as if the men get off lightly - ‘husbands, love your wives.’ And the women might be thinking, well, is that it? We have to submit and they just have to love? But look at the standard of love they have to live up to. Remember again the pattern that our marriages follow, as they point to the royal wedding:

‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.’ Now how did Christ love the church? Did he issue commands and demands all day and just be waited on hand and foot? Not at all - he came not to be served but to serve; he loved the church so much that he ‘gave himself up for her.’

Rather than men having it easy, they are called to die for their wives, to give themselves for her. To provide and nourish and tenderly care for her. It’s not that the husband’s will is there to be obeyed, no matter what the wife thinks. Rather, the husband is to pattern himself on the Lord Jesus, leading by serving and giving himself in love for his wife. Men, are you?

Wouldn’t it be so much easier to submit to a loving, giving serving type of husband? Just as the church submits to her loving, giving, serving (and saving) Lord. Marriage is another place for our salvation to be worked out; it’s one of the venues for practical Christianity - real life, and not just theory.

In so many marriages, the wife would never think of submitting because it wouldn’t be safe to - her husband would immediately take advantage. When two sinful and selfish people come together in marriage, there are going to be ructions - always trying to gain the upper hand and control the other. It’s like the out of focus photo - you might just be able to make out that it’s a bride and groom, but that’s about all. As Christians, though, doing marriage in the way Paul describes here; each giving themselves to the other; putting the other first; together looking outward to love and serve; in this marriage the focus on the camera is corrected, the picture becomes clearer, sharper - the picture of the union of Jesus and his bride the church. That royal wedding that will continue throughout eternity which will never come to an end.

For those in marriage, the application should be clear - how does your life together point to our salvation? Are there things you need to work on?

But for those who aren’t currently married, you might be thinking, well, that was a waste of coming to church. That wasn’t for me at all. But perhaps you’ll be married some day - how are you preparing even now, maybe even before you have met your husband or wife to be. Are you cultivating these habits of giving and serving; or just being selfish? Perhaps you give thanks for your own marriage which has finished - how can you be helping others in their marriage? Could you be praying for the young couples preparing for weddings? A listening ear for problems?

Married or not, each of us are invited to the great Royal wedding, not just as spectators, not even just as guests, but as part of the bride. The King has proposed, the wedding date is set. Our earthly marriages are pictures (albeit imperfect) of that great wedding. As we gather at the Lord’s table, we have the foretaste of the great feast. Will you accept? Will you say I do?

This sermon was preached in Aghavea Parish Church on Sunday 10th June 2012.

Powerless

The wee card arrived through the post just before Christmas, but it didn't contain any festive references, no pictures of nativity scenes or Santas. Instead, it advised us that there would be essential maintenance work on the power grid around Brookeborough, and therefore we would have no electricity between 9am and 5pm on the 10th January.

The day finally came (the second such day in the four and a bit months we've lived here!), and at 9.30am, our electricity was turned off. And it was in that moment that our reliance on power was exposed.

Beep - beep - beep went the house alarm, cut off from power it starts to suspect something is up, and makes sure any line-cutting intruders are scared off.

With no electricity, the central heating system wouldn't work, so the house gradually got colder, and the noise of the alarm was a bit annoying - perhaps I'll make a cup of tea. No, the kettle won't work. Well, what about some toast? Again, the cooker and the toaster won't run on air.

Maybe I could check my emails to distract myself? But there's no internet as the router is down, and mobile signal is patchy at the best of times (if we're actually still on O2UK and haven't caught the O2IE signal from across the border instead). At least the fully charged laptop was working, but then I went to print something, before realising the futility of the attempt!

It's a good job I was still able to read books, and work on my sermon prep for Sunday with pen and ink, otherwise I would have been lost for something to do. Around lunchtime I headed out for some messages and calls, and when I got home again the power was reconnected, allowing me to begin cooking the evening meal and doing all those other things I couldn't do earlier in the day!

Yesterday was a little reminder for me that we can be so dependent on something we take for granted. Unseen electricity enables us to do so much, but without it we're lost, truly powerless. In Acts, Jesus ascends into heaven, leaving his disciples to carry on the work of proclaiming the gospel, but he doesn't leave them powerless. It doesn't depend on their strength alone. Instead, he empowers them:

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)

The Holy Spirit is given to all Christians so that we can live and work and witness to the Lord Jesus. Unseen, perhaps forgotten, but indispensable in the Christian life.

Picture by jnyemb, displayed under a Creative Commons licence.

Guess Who's Back?

And we're not talking about Eminem, who's appearing at Tennent's Vital in Ward Park, Bangor tomorrow. We're now hopefully back on course with the blog, after another brief hiatus.


A fortnight ago, having packed up all our possessions into a big trailer the day before, the removals lorry arrived at our new house. Cue a couple of days of boxes sitting everywhere, as we tried to remember where some of the essentials had been carefully packed, and the gradual process of unpacking everything and finding a place for it.

The biggest job was to get my study into shape, a task which has finally come to an end. It's tidier now than it ever was in Dundonald, with a bit more space to move around it!

We've been adapting to life in Fermanagh, getting used to new surroundings and discovering new places (more of which to come), as well as meeting our new neighbours:

I think I've adapted fairly well, to the extent that when I was up in Belfast for the afternoon and evening yesterday, I found it strange to be sitting in traffic, having so many cars all around!

At present I'm on holiday as I don't actually start in the new parish until the Institution service, so it's an extended staycation, sampling the delights of Fermanagh and meeting up with friends and family. Not long now and I'll be preaching my first sermons and getting stuck into parish life. Watch this space!

Convenient Consumption or Frozen Waste?

You've heard of the frozen wastelands of Siberia, or perhaps other places. Yet I think there's probably a frozen wasteland a lot closer to home, even inside your home.


The freezer can be a very convenient means of consumption, so if you see a bargain in the supermarket you stock up and put the excess in the freezer for some other day. It's useful for having vegetables out of season, if they've been stored up while in season. It can be good to make up meals and then freeze them for the days you don't want to face cooking when you get home from work. Very handy, very convenient, and yet still perhaps a frozen waste.


Just think for a moment - do you actually use the stuff in the freezer in time, or does it just lie there, literally frozen waste, long past its safe use, just waiting for the day you clear out the freezer and throw the food away? If that's the case, then it wasn't really a bargain in the first place - money spent on food which ultimately is thrown out, as well as the extra electricity used to freeze the food for that long period of time.


While it may be a matter of discipleship for Christians, it's important for everyone in these days of job uncertainty and falling incomes, so that every household takes care of how they steward their resources, making the most from every pound. Just think of the impact we could have if the money we spent on what will become frozen waste was instead directed towards charities to feed those who desperately need something, anything? Think of the reduction in energy bills, which would reduce our need for so much energy.


How long could your household survive if they weren't to go food shopping from today, simply using up the food already under your roof in the freezer, or cans, bottles or jars? While you might need to still get the fresh essentials, like milk etc, wouldn't it make sense to use up that food rather than leaving it to eventually be thrown out?

We've tried this over the past week, using up the freezer food, so that it's nearly empty, with minimal waste. Now what to do with those prawns...

Waiting for the Deliverymen

Today was the date in the diary for a furniture delivery at home. The delivery was marked in for some time between 8am and 6pm. Well, says I, this could be a long day of waiting. Plenty to do in the study for sermon prep and catching up after last week at New Horizon.

So I was sat at my desk at 8.10am, doing some quiet time journalling when the phone rang. Ah, says I, this will be the phone call giving me a rough time of delivery before they rang again when they were an hour away.

But no, the guy says, "are you in the house? I'm sitting in the big white van outside your door!" Instant panic to get the old stuff moved and out of the way to get the new stuff in, but we got it done! So it's all here now and very comfortable.

No waiting needed, ten minutes and he had arrived.

Emptiness

The Christmas tree and decorations came down last night, as tradition dictates on Twelfth Night, or the Feast of the Epiphany. This morning, and every time since, when I walk into the living room it suddenly seems really bare, without the tree, cards and other associated decorations. How sad.

It's funny how quickly we get used to something and accept it as normal - perhaps that's why habits are so quickly formed, and so hard to break. Which reminds us of the need to stick at New Years Resolutions until good habits are formed... although I must confess, I still haven't handled my camera in this first week of the new year... must do something about that on Saturday.

Gym going has been fairly regular thus far since joining up at the start of the year, but we're still in the honeymoon period. Thankfully not much pain yet, although not much gain either!

Being Organised

Something I'm determined to work on in this new year is to get my study into order. For this past wee while, things have been all over the place - books sitting everywhere except on the shelves, clutter on the floor, and piles of papers where I should be able to see my desk.

My excuse is that I know where everything is when it's like this - if it was tidy, then I wouldn't know where anything was. But this morning it has become serious. On Friday when I started work again, I made a list of the various talks and studies I've to do over the next couple of weeks so that I know what I'm working towards, and the various deadlines.

All good. Until this morning, when I couldn't find the list! Oops! Good job I have most of it committed to memory, and I know what's on this week. Tidying and studying both essential tasks to be done...

Raiding the pockets of a younger me

There are always things to be getting on with, especially in my room, which is perpetually untidy. I reckon the untidiness of the room is partly due to the mountains of books... so the sooner I get a proper study the better (or should that be a library... wonder if my future parishes will build me a library in the garden of the curatage / rectory?).

Anyways, with the prospect of moving out of this house in 11 months (DV), I'm reckoning I need to reduce the amount of stuff I have. So this afternoon I tackled the wardrobe. It's always been a problem as there doesn't seem to be much room in it, and my just done ironing often ends up hanging on the door handle, rather than in the wardrobe.

I now see the magnitude of the problem. I've found lots of clothes that are too small, and will be taken to a charity shop in the very near future. One of the most interesting things I discovered, though, were a couple of suits from a while back. Those poor suits, one day they were being worn of a Sunday, and then a new suit came (or the suit became too small), and they were forgotten.The suits too will be going to a charity shop (reduce, reuse, recycle), so I had to 'raid the pockets' to see what was in there.

Mostly, just old orders of service from church, pens etc. The grossest thing was a half packet of polo mints with a best before date of Feb 1999. (I haven't tried them to see if they're ok)... Well, at least they'll be cleared and out of the house very shortly!

Not mush-room

I'm referring in the title to my bedroom at home, in that there's not mushroom (much room)... You may have gathered I'm a bit of a hoarder, and nothing really is thrown out. This is perhaps a bit of an understatement, as you can only see a tiny portion of the carpet.

The situation was made worse the other week (when I was in Dublin) by Neil pulling out the old computer to see if it was working. Previously, it had sat neatly under my desk, not doing any harm... but Neil left it sitting in the middle of the room, and by now stuff has accumulated around and on top of it...

Every so often I try a scheme of re-ordering - moving stuff about to see if I can get everything to fit better elsewhere, or even clearing stuff out... so I'm presently trying that - now all the clothes that hung on the door handle are actually in the wardrobe, so that's a positive start!

The problem with my re-ordering, though, is that stuff is placed on the bed until a new space can be found for it. But that means that it all has to be removed or re-ordered by bedtime, as I have to get into bed!!!

Oh what fun times we have!!!