Hogwarts Rules Out Move To NI

Plans to move Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to Northern Ireland have foundered after it emerged that the Education Minister, Catriona Ruane would be banning an ancient school tradition under current education policy. Harry Potter's old school had been interested in crossing the Irish Sea to the province where traditions are so highly valued.

On arrival at Hogwarts, first year pupils are sorted into four houses, named after the founders of the school: Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. The sorting, or selection, is performed by the Sorting Hat, who has performed the ceremony since the school's inception. Yet in a controversial move, Ruane has revealed she will ban the Sorting Hat on the grounds that it is unfair to select children at such a young age, and particularly on academic ability.

It is understood that Ravenclaw is the particular target of the ban on academic selection, as its House values include intelligence, creativity, learning and wit. Consider these lines from the various Sorting Hat songs in recent years:

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;

For Ravenclaw, the cleverest
would always be the best;

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose
Intelligence is surest" ...
And only those of sharpest mind
Were taught by Ravenclaw

This decree is a big blast to the proposed relocation of Hogwarts to Northern Ireland, and the previous plans will now disappear in a puff of smoke.

No one from either Hogwarts or the Minister's office was available for comment on this report.